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December 19 Confusion from all around
Confusion comes quick when you least expect it. It can make your head spin. First you know what you want and then something or someone comes and shows you that you really don't know what you want in life. The head is straight then all of a sudden it is spinning. You say whatever will be will be. Then the next moment you say oh dear God it is him that I want to be with. And then you don't know what you want. Your mind is clear and it is set on getting through your life whether it is alone or with a man/woman that God puts into your life and then your mind is cluttered with thoughts of a certain person and you say you are determined to let him/her lead the way if it is you that he/she wants in their life. But yet it is driving you absolutely crazy not knowing which way to turns. You know you just met that person and you shouldn't be like this. But yet there is something about that person who you spent two nights getting to know and everything feels right in the Universe. And then while you are getting to know that person and just loves being with that person, then old memories of your ex-husband/wife comes into your head. But yet you are sitting there talking and looking into his/her eyes and something is unraveling is it your determination? is it the wall you put up? You look up to Heaven and ask for help in guidance to know which way to go, it interferes with your work it interferes with everything you do. You do what you have to do in a blur of speed and your head and heart is colliding you know it is not love but you don't know what it is. Is it infatuation?smitten? a crush? puppy love? You know that you have to slow down and let things happen in the way it is supposed to be. You know if it is meant to be it will happen. You are determined to let this person go and not worry whether it is meant to be or not. You know time will tell. OH how your head is spinning and won't quit. Yet there is this calm and peace inside you and yet everything is churning and going. You look up to Heaven and ask you to slow you down and to show you how to slow down. You know you need to stop and breathe yet you want to run and scream and you are ready to fall. OH HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! December 01 HI my FriendsHi my friends,
I have not been on here that much but maybe to check for messages and to accept friendship request. It is hard working two jobs. when things seem to be picking up and going good another hurtle is thrown in my way. But oh well what can I do but to smile and know I am in God's hands and always will be. I am working on something for you guys to read September 20 If a Man Wants YouIf a man wants u, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want u, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition to save u from heartache.
Stop trying 2 change urselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live ur life for a man before u find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating u as u deserve
then heck no, u can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If u feel like he is stringing u along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because u think "it will get better." u'll be mad at urself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is u.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat u any differently?
Always have ur own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats u.
If something bothers u, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against u later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than u are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
! He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who u are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with u, he'll cheat on u.
A man will only treat u the way you ALLOW him to treat u.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending.compromise is a 2way street.
u need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with ur issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE u...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look 4 someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be MrRight.
Make him miss u sometimes...when a man always know where u are, and ur
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that u need.
Keep him in ur radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... u'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT. September 17 Strength NO
matter how much my heart is hurting with pain, I have to go on with my
life on this road we call life. It is a tough road to go down, and it
is a constant struggle to just to tell my heart. That it is ok to move
on without the man that you long for. I have moved forward from this
guy before, but he is back in my mind again. I know that he has his life together so that makes it so much easier to want him. But yet I know that I can't. I
have fallen from where I was at when I made this resolve of moving on
and knowing that I deserve a man who is a good man and one who is
responsible. I didn't realize though how lonely it would get for me. But where I was a year ago was at peace at being single. Now I am not that at peace. I never knew how it hard it would be to feel so lonely. I know that I am not fully alone because there is always God. But God is not with me in as a human being I go to talk to him as much as I can. I have found it easier to work two jobs than come home and be lonely. I
have made it my resolve not to let this loneliness and longing destroy
my happiness I feel on the inside. I know that I just said that I feel
loneliness and I do feel lonely so very lonely. But that won't stop me from being happy. I
do love life and I do know what I want in it. I know that I am a good
person and I know that one day God will bring in my life the man that
he has meant me to be with. I do like guys here and there. And there is one special guy; he seems like no other guy. I can say this much there are people who think that they will know who he is. I can say this he doesn't work no where near Giant. That is as much that needs to be said. For now it will stay in my heart and no one will know until I let it known. I pray that it works out; I will not make the same mistake again. By
asking the guy out, that went against my beliefs and my values and that
hurt me a little bit but yet I believe ever step we take forward we
will take 3 steps back. So life is a continuous taking steps and going back three and then forward again. I
look at everything I have been through and I ask myself if I should let
things like people trying to bring down from being Happy I say NO. I will keep going and just keep praying that God will make this work out for me. I will stay happy no matter what. The guy I fell for going on two years now I pray that he will be happy and find what he is looking for. So Life moves on and Happiness will remain. NO ONE and Nothing can take the happiness away from me because they do not have the power over me. July 14 Random Acts of Kindness
I have started doing what I used to do and that is bring love back into this world and I forgot how good it feels to do these random acts of kindness. I want to encourage everyone to do random acts of kindness. Instead of hate lets bring love into this world. Have a great day. I have two jobs now and I am working hard so I will try to get on when I can because there is more i want to say about this subject June 02 For My Cousin Curt: Bye Bye Mariah Carey: You will be missedBye Bye
By: Mariah Carey
This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost Their grandmothers Lift your head to The the sky Cause we will never Say bye As a child There were them times I didn't get it But you kept me in line I didn't know Why you didn't show up Sometimes On Sunday mornings And I missed you But I'm glad we talked through All grown folk things Seperation brings You never let me know it You never let it show it Caused you loved me And obviously There's so much more to say If you were With me today Face to face I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes bye And It's true You reached A better place Still I'd give The world To see your face and right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye And you never Got a chance to see How good I've done And you neverther I wish that we can spend The holidays together I remember when you use To tuck me in at night Or the teddy bear u give me That I held so tight I thought you were so strong You make it through whatever It's so hard to except The fact you gone forever I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes by And It's true You reached A better place And I'd still give The world Is in your face and be right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put you hand way up high You will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost their Grandmother's Lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye I never knew I can hurt like this (I never knew it) And everyday (Everyday I wish that I) Life goes on like this (I wish, I wish) I wish I can talk to you For a while (I wish) Miss you but Not to cry (I wish) As time goes by (As time goes bye) And It's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world To see your face And me right here Next to you And the hardest thing To do is say Bye-bye It's hard to say Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye So come on Somebody sing it with me Wave your hands up high Cause this is For my peoples that Just lost somebody This is for everybody Just lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye-bye Who lost Their grandmothers Lift your head to The the sky Cause we will never Say bye As a child There were them times I didn't get it But you kept me in line I didn't know Why you didn't show up Sometimes On Sunday mornings And I missed you But I'm glad we talked through All grown folk things Seperation brings You never let me know it You never let it show it Caused you loved me And obviously There's so much more to say If you were With me today Face to face I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes bye And It's true You reached A better place Still I'd give The world To see your face and right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye And you never Got a chance to see How good I've done And you never Got to see me Back at number one I wish that you was here To celebrate together I wish that we can spend The holidays together I remember when you use To tuck me in at night Or the teddy bear u give me That I held so tight I thought you were so strong You make it through whatever It's so hard to except The fact you gone forever I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes by And It's true You reached A better place And I'd still give The world Is in your face and be right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put you hand way up high You will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost their Grandmother's Lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye I never knew I can hurt like this (I never knew it) And everyday (Everyday I wish that I) Life goes on like this (I wish, I wish) I wish I can talk to you For a while (I wish) Miss you but Not to cry (I wish) As time goes by (As time goes bye) And It's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world To see your face And me right here Next to you And the hardest thing To do is say Bye-bye It's hard to say Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye So come on Somebody sing it with me Wave your hands up high Cause this is For my peoples that Just lost somebody This is for everybody Just lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye-bye March 12 You know this is who I amI am who I am and if you don't like it then you can shove it up where the sun don't shine. If you don't like who I am then that is fine. I will not lose my sanity for no ones sake. I have came to far to let you drag me down. I don't give a F**k on who you think I am or who think that I should be. I am back and I am not going you, my dad or anyone drag me down. If I have to give up the home I thought that would be mine forever then so be it. I have always been so grateful for what was given to me by God.
I am who I am and I am who ever you say I am. I will fight for my sanity and I will fight for my survival. You say I am nothing, then so be it. But that is your opinion. Have the decency to leave me alone when I say go away. I will not stand here and let you drag me down. You are nothing to me. I can say you give me the energy to keep goig and to keep fighting for who I am and to keep fighting for my sanity and my survival. You say I don't deserve anything well that is your opinion. I will not go down and I will not listen to you. March 05 Times are ChangingTimes are changing fast for me. Tax season has not been busy at all for me, so that must mean I have done something right when getting them ready. Now if the office managers can quit doing things that they are not supposed to be doing. In all of this I have got me a new place to stay and I can call it all mine. I think that I am spoiled because my dad bought it for me. I feel lucky that I don't have to worry what is going to happen and where I am going to live. With my dad it is changing I have noticed how much older he is getting especially since he had knee replacement surgery on one knee and I am going back and forth to take care of him. With a heavy heart I come back, I say my prayers and go on with life.
I am trying not to say what I really feel since I know that I am not supposed to do it. Apparently it is a sin or something. I can and will say this I am drowning with so much emotion and I am headed back into depression with not getting it out and to where I can handle this. I miss my friends and I miss being able to be open with what I feel. I wish that Michiko and Ahmed and Kimberly could come see my new home. I wish that I could go to Egypt and be with Ahmed and his beautiful wife and help them prepare for the bundle of joy that they are expecting. Babies are such special gifts from God and I pray that this gift is happy and healthy I know that it will be spoiled especially by me.
As for my love life, ya right what love life. I know that God will bring the right man into my life and there is a possibility that he already has only if we can get into the same state to meet each other. I miss you Michiko, Ahmed and kimberly. Thanks for the ones who have been so supportive with me and these hard times. I am trying to stay strong and to keep praying. I do have some wonderful friends here who are keeping me laughing and strong. Take Care of yourself December 20 About the last postI have no energy to say this to all of the ones who replied to my last post. These are feelings and I am sorry but I had to get them out. I do fight depression. But this post I will explain why I am feeling the way I am. I have had a dream and I have been trying to make it come true. And this is a dream of myself having a home of my own or even a place of my own. And before you ask if I prayed about it, the answer to that question is yes I have prayed and I continuously pray about it. That dream was kind of taken away from me because it was a dream of me finding something that I loved. I did find a home that I love that was small and that was within price range. So I called my dad down so he could see it and low and behold my sister came with him. I knew that my dream ended right there. Even though my they say they are not talking to each other and it is my fault that the family torn apart. This shows a whole lot if you knew and if you knew the whole story you would know why I say this. With my sister there the home I found was vetoed out and I will not be having it. This place was a Condo and it had a feeling that I could make this place of my own and make it a home. It had a sense of warmth to it. So we went to other places and the homes they were picking out were torn apart had problems with them. So I guess that what I will be living in will be a home that will cost a lot of money that I don't have to get them fixed up. This will be a home that my sisters have picked out for me, it will be what they want. I have prayed for God to lead me to a home, I have seen three homes that I felt that a spirit was guiding me to those homes. And out of those three I found the condo. I have never ever expected to have a home that was unreasonable price or fancy. I am not one to have a home that was over a $175,000 or higher or a fancy one. I love simple means.
But now to address something. I am hurt I love all of my friends but if the feelings that I have put down are Satanic then why am I here? I guess it is wrong for me to feel like this and I guess that I am wrong to have feelings and I am wrong to get it out before I lose my sanity. I guess what all I can do is hold these feelings in and let it eat me up and grow to resentment or to hatred. I can't live with myself if it turns into hatred or resentment. I will continuosly pray for the strength. There are certain things that can bring me down quickly and that is being controlled by others over my life. The only one I will allow to control me is God. But I see that from here on out that I can't put my feeling down. I will probably from here on out not be on here. And if I do come it will be to put stupid jokes or just to check on my friends. But my feelings will stay off of here, but I should say just because one person is seeing her dreams destroyed and have to get it out it is not Satanic. Let me tell you this I did the right thing by putting it down instead of killing myself. It is Satanic that has destroyed this dream. I have gone through so much turmoil I do fight depression and God has seen me go through these times. So let me Say Thanks for showing me I can't write down or put my feelings down here. And that I am wrong for putting them down, I guess that if I didn't have the strength to get them out and down I would be dead now. this week has been a tough week not only has my dreamed been destroyed tomorrow marks my mom's 77th birthday and by the Grace of God I kept my temper in when having to deal with a very hateful man for my work but now I know I can't get my feelings out so let me say Thank You very much for all of this. I appreciate it to see where I am in the wrong. So Long and Good-bye December 17 Good -Bye to Dreams![]() When joy is all around and you are happy to see maybe the end of the tunnel is near and then all of a sudden it closes so tight that you can't see it all you can feel is the strangle hold that is around your neck while you watch your dream slip out of your hands and sink like the Titanic. The dream comes within your grasp and it is like a euphoria that just lifts you into the clouds and then you are dragged down into the abyss with things that is in your control but yet it is not in your control. So the only thing left to do is go down with the sinking of the dream. Good bye to the dream. December 01 Anyway By Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building November 27 The Worth of a Woman![]() The Worth of a Woman
Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. can heal a broken heart. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. They have the compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. However, if there is one flaw in women, It is that they forget their worth. Don't ever forget your worth. November 05 It Has Been a Long Time just an updateThis have interrupted my life again. I don't know how I am going to react to these changes that are coming. I am having a hard time right now well tonight. I had to give my Tinkerbell to another home because she was just getting to rambucous and I couldn't afford to get him fixed. My heart aches for him and I will miss his kitty kisses. I have been going out of town quite a bit, I have an Uncle who is very sick and I don't know how much longer he is going to be with us here on earth. He is one of my favorite uncle and he is one who has shown me what unconditional love is. I am asking when is this going to quit this pain. With this Uncle it will be like it was when I lost my mom. He is the one who taught me to joke around and have fun, his wife ( my aunt ) is one of my mom's older sisters and she is just as special as my mom. I know that they lived long happy lives but it is so hard and it will be hard to say Good-bye. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I miss them now they live in Colorado and I live in New Mexico 5 hours away.
I see how things was when I was growing up spending time on the ranch with my aunt and uncle and my cousins that would come from Oregon to spend the summer with us. I remember the love I remember the laughter and I also remember how strict he was and if we got out of line we were in for trouble. I remember giving my parents a hard time and I was sent to work it off on the ranch for my uncle and boy did I have to work. I know that I am loved when i walk into their house and I know that I will be missed when I leave. If I coiuld move up there and take care of them that would make me so happy but yet there is no way that I can because I have to be near my daughters. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say I give up and I don't want to continue and then I remember God and he gives me strength. But sometimes there are times that you just have to give up and walk away. I am at that point that I have to throw my hands up in the air and say Dear God just take me away I can't handle anymore pain in my life. I have been so very lonely and worn down by the aches and bruises of life. I miss my dear friends who I have came to love as they are my family. I have tried really tried to stay strong but I am having a tough time right now and I am afraid that I am going to lose it if one of my two favorite uncles die or my favorite aunt. So I am asking for all of my friends to say a prayer for me to continue and for strength. I love every one of you. no matter who reads and who don't. I love you
October 06 Ok I figured out somethingI am Bernice Chavez, I am a Computer Technician. I am a strong determined person. who has been through a lot of hurt, and heart break in my lifetime. I have made it this far and I am not going back. My life is about bringing good into this world and I try and will always try to help people where I can and if I am able too. I am a good woman who deserves good things coming into my life. I need love from a man who can treat a woman with respect and dignity. I need one who will wait till the ends of the earth for me. I need someone who is not going to use me for his selfish needs or selfish gains. I will not be used to get someone out of their hard life in the country that they live in. I have a destiny to fulfill and I am going to fulfill my destiny. NOTHING & NO ONE is going to stop me from fufilling this destiny. I will not be denied and I will not be stopped.
I firmly believe that LOVE will come into my life when God says that it is time. There will be no more looking back from here. You can either be friends with me or you can step out of my way. Because you will not stop me.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! October 02 I wish that I couldI wish that I could say that I love you , but I can't.
I wish that I could say that I need you, but I can't.
There has been too much stuff that has gone on, I know that it is not your fault. You are not your brother, but yet I have to do what I can to protect myself and my heart. I don't know if I can handle another heartbreak. This is too close to home. I want to believe that you really do care. Sometimes Iwish that you were like your other bro Ali, at least he has not misled me and he hasn't lied. I can't say that you are lying, because I don't know. I have to wait and find out. I do have one person on my side who will help me find out. I appreciate my dear friends help, he has even said not to trust you. So what do I do? Am I a fool or am I not? August 23 Aloha If you ever go to Hawaii here is something that is interesting to know
August 04 Are You Willing?What are you willing to do? When hard times comes your way, what will you do? Are you going to sit there and just pout? Or are you going to stand up and show the world what you are made of? I have been through hell and back and I am at the point now to where I can see that even though I almost gave up, it took a lot for me not to give up. My friends were here to encourage me. I have found out that I am a lot stronger than what I thought that I was. I guess that I am proving it. Between having my daughters live with their daddy since that is where they want to be and getting hurt and then my mom dying. all within two years time. I am still standing.
I have found out that it is better to keep on smilin and just stand and go on with life. I found out that laughter is the best medication to get past a lot of things in life. I want to be the kind of encouragement and motivator for others who are in need of someone to help them. I have to let things shine and I have to show that this world can be a fun place. No matter how bad things get there is always an up to everything. NO one is worth crying over and the saying is true. The one that is worth crying over will never make you cry. He/she will make you happy at all times. They will know what love really is no matter how long it takes you to get together or get married. They will be there.
I have said that I went back for my bachelors and I am feeling stronger and happier than ever. I have made so many friends and I have shocked almost all of the staff. When I was going through all of this everyone at the school expected me to drop out of school especially when my mom died and I shocked everyone of them by sticking to it and going to class. Anybody can make it past the things that they are going through. But they are going to have to dig in deep and get the strength that is in them. Don't give up and keep going. One step at a time and one day at a time. I will write more later,
take care and keep smiling. Smile and the whole world will smile with you. July 29 ThinkingI have been thinking a lot lately especially on my breaks and lunch and dinner while I am at work. My life has been planned out by God for me, I know that I have to trust in what he has set before me. He always fulfills his promise. God never forgets and he always finishes what he starts. It is up to us to not let go of the faith that we should have in God. I have let go of my dreams after my heart was broken and I got so busy to where I wouldn't think of the pain, I know now that I have to let go of the pain and I have to move on with my life.
I have learned that I had to pick up my dreams up where they left off. My dream of being with someone I love will come true because God will bring that into my life. I have learned that for me to move on I have to forgive and let it go. Yes I am scared of getting hurt. But God will only put in front of you a path of things that he knows that we can handle. He will put these obstacles in our path, and it is up to us not to give up on the path that he has put us on. We should never let these obstacles stop us and never give up on that dream. Dreams is what God wants for us to fulfill, God wants our hearts desire to come true.
Majed's hearts desire came true he is a married man, he may have lied to me and hurt me. But I had to learn how to forgive and move on and my time will come. I had to learn that if I want peace in my life that I have to work at it and I have to agressively seek the peace that I want in my life. It is important that we learn how to maintain this peace in my lives, it is important for all of us to learn how to maintain the peace we want in our lives. I will find someone who will complete me and help me and someone I can talk to. It will be good for me to have someone who is not like me but someone who will be the complete opposite of me. One who can make me stronger with my weaknesses and I can make that person stronger with his weakness.
This is something for everyone to think on.
I hope and pray that all of my friends are doing good and that they are happy. July 14 LIFELife can have a different effect on everyone, some it can be good to them and to some it can be hard on them. You can make it through anything, but it depends on how you handle the situation. The song that can fit life is by Rascal Flats from the movie cars
"Life is a Highway". That fits life so much. Life is a roller coaster. You have to have fun in life no matter what. Life brings you down, well you have to get right back up and keep going. Don't look back and I know that is easier said than done. I look back quite a bit, but I get up and keep going. I think that life is one big roller coaster you are up and then you are down. Life is out there and it is a wonderful experience no matter what. And I think that I would rather ride out this roller coaster called life than sit back and watch it pass me by. Make the most of your life no matter what keep going and have fun with it. I have the fountain of youth and it is don't act your age, have fun in life. I am a joker I love to joke around with people.
All About LifeAloha and Mahalo for visiting |
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